Ross Dress for Less

Preface

Today was one of those days where I was on the road and felt a drum solo playing in my tummy and new that it was time to explore a new place to add to my blog.  With a quick Google search, I saw that Ross Dress for Less was nearby and off I went to claim my porcelain throne.

As per usual, I figured I could walk in unexpectantly and get in and out without drawing any attention to myself.  Also, being that it's a department store around lunchtime, I was hoping to find a clean and not frequently used men's restroom.  To my delight and dismay, most of this was true...

Review

My plan was to walk in and do a quick scan of the layout to identify the location of the restroom and then casually walk over after "browsing" the men's section.  However, I didn't see a sign or any other indication of the said restroom.  After walking the majority of the perimeter, I finally asked a store associate who said it was back by the fitting rooms and the attendant will unlock it for you.  So much for discrete...

The young lady granted me entrance and I scurried over to the only stall in hopes of getting out quickly and not being too obvious.  Overall the restroom was small with one sitter (ADA) and one stander.  The first thing I noticed was that the toilet seat had a few pee dribbles on it from the lazy hypochondriac (assumption/ judgment applied here) before me who didn't lift the lid up.  However, with a quick wipe of some TP it was ready for action.

The TP, although bountiful, was very thin and slightly rough.  I'd give the TP 2.2 out of 5.  It wasn't the worst I've used in a public restroom but far from Charmin.  

When it came time to wash up, I found the water to be very warm and powerful, the soap didn't smell like crap (no pun intended), and the sinks were free from any contaminants.  One thing I did have to deduct points for was that it didn't have any paper towels.  All it had was a hand dryer.

As a whole, the restroom itself was very clean and had a delightful scent.  It seemed like it was well cared for and probably not used very often.  The floors appeared to be spotless and free of any strange liquids.

Final score: 2.5 rolls out of 5: Might poop there again. The score would be higher, however, there is no way to discreetly pinch one without drawing attention to yourself.  

Bed Bath & Beyond

Preface

On this particular day, I had one of my early morning workouts which consisted of me consuming a fatty coffee as a prework out, and a protein shake and Consuelo's breakfast burrito (best effing breakfast burritos in town!) as my post-workout meal.  Needless to say, this combination, although delicious, caused some premature belly gurgling.

Sticking with my M-O, I did a quick Google search of department stores in the area.  Scrolling through the list I saw BB&B.  Decisively, I knew where I was going and added it to today's route around town. 

Review

Being a BB&B I was slightly hoping for a nicely scented restroom with plush towels and maybe even a bidet.  I'm sure you're as surprised as I am to find out that it didn't have any of that.

The first thing I noticed was how small the overall restroom was.  It did have two sitters (one ADA & one regular) and one urinal strategically placed in this tiny water closet.

I will say that the porcelain poo pools were pristine.  Although I typically prefer automated toilets, the handle on these was low enough to pull the foot maneuver.

As for the pleasant floral aroma (like you get walking into your girlfriend's bathroom for the first time), I was hoping for, it seemed to be lacking any sort of smell; good and bad.  To be honest, I'll take that over nasal penetrating stenches any day.

The floors had a few spots in the corners that looked like they've been missed during the nightly cleanings, however, as a whole, they were clean, dry, and didn't have any sticky spots.

Last but foremost, the toilet paper.  It was thin but fairly soft.  Not Charmin soft but better than the average commercial tp you get at most places.

Overall, 3 out of 5 rolls.  Would poop there again.

HomeGoods

Preface

At this particular retail facility, I have delivered some goods once before starting this blog and have been meaning to return to do research for an official review.  In fact, this is where I was headed when I drove by JCPenney last week and decided to make a return there instead.

My wife is an avid HomeGoods shopper which means that I am too by proxy.  We've been to many different locations and on occasion, I have had to utilize their services which is why I knew that this place would meet my initial criteria for the selecting a place to exchange some merchandise. 

Review

As far as public restrooms are concerned, this one has definitely topped my list of best places to send the brown trout home.

The first thing I noticed was that it actually had a very nice aroma to it.  Out of curiosity, I even checked the air freshener to see what type of delightful scent permeated the air.  It was Citrus Twist by Triple S OmniAir.

They had one urinal and one ADA sitter.  Their toilets were spic-and-span.  The seat did not have any weird brown or yellow stains.  I was able to sit down without any hesitation and get comfortable for a few minutes.  The bowls were white, untarnished, and in the absence of any streaks.  

The floors were gleaming. From what I saw, there were no mystery puddles anywhere to be found.  There is nothing worse than feeling a wet spot on the back of your leg because your pants touched the floor and absorbed some peculiar bathroom liquid.  

Even though the sinks had the push-button knobs that only stayed on for a limited time per push, they extruded water long enough for me to rinse off all the soap my hands in one press. They were also shipshape and very sanitary.  Another plus was that they had paper towels instead of an electric hand-dryer. 

The cherry on top was the toilet paper. Albeit, slightly thin it was surprisingly soft for commercial grade tp. It was at least five notches above construction paper compared to the typical three. 

Overall, I'd give them 4/5 rolls.  Would (and have) poop there again.

JCPenney

Pre-Preface

For the record, I do not enjoy dropping bombs in public places.  Despite what my blog topic might suggest, I don't actively seek out places around town just to leave my stink.  My personal preference is to have my business meetings at home.  So if I am settling for a place other than my abode, I genuinely have to go and don't have the luxury of driving home.

Preface

On this particular day, my schedule was slightly off for a number of reasons.  First being that I went camping in a secluded area and with that, I ate tons of processed foods which I typically avoid.  Second, I got up an hour earlier to do a morning workout which I would normally wait until the late-afternoon to do.  Another determinant was that I put MCT oil in my coffee that morning to supply me with a sustained energy source for my workout.  If you have ever taken a little too much MCT oil then you are most likely picking up what I'm laying down here.  Needless to say, there were a number of contributing factors at play on this day. 

I felt the bubbling mid-morning so I scheduled a stop along my route today at a retail store that I have been to once before but before I started this blog, however, I passed by JCPenny and immediately went through my mental checklist.  It unquestionably met my initial criteria for selecting an establishment. 

Review

As I pulled up to the parking lot, I saw a few guys coming and going through the main entrance which made me slightly hesitant but also reinsured me that I wouldn't look out of place (Criteria #2).  Upon walking in I didn't see any male customers once so ever (Criteria #3)!  Also, the men's section was directly on the right when you first walk in and the restroom sign was planted directly in the back of the department!  All I had to do was causally walk through the section eyeing different merchandise to at least pretend like I was there to shop (which turned into actual shopping).

The actual restroom seemed clean at first glance and lacked any unwelcomed smells.  I was exceedingly impressed until I examined the toilets.  The urinals had yellow stains on the rims like someone had peed on a spoon.  One of the sitters (not a typo) had brown stains and looked like someone drizzled on the seat.  Luckily there were two stalls.  I chose the cleaner of the two and gave the seat a quick wipe with tp to make sure it was safe.  It checked out.

The tp was thinner and rougher than normal commercial paper but it was fully stocked.  Although the toilet didn't have an automated sensor, the handle was at foot level which is always nice (I know I'm not the only one who does this).   Another plus was that it had abundant flushing power.  As mentioned in a previous post, I consider substantial flushing power to be very important! Being alleviated any concerns of clogging is clutch!

The automated sinks had decent pressure albiet cold water flowed through the pipes.  One thing that I found odd about the facets was that the water shot out at a weird angle.   Its trajectory was as such that I had to be careful not to walk out of there looking like I peed my pants.  With all that said, I would have to say that the sinks we more than adequate.

On a final note, a huge plus in my book was that they supplied patrons with paper towels!  As I've mentioned before, I am not a fan of electric hand dryers.  Yes, they might be considered more "eco-friendly" however, I feel they are less effective and less efficient. 

Overall, I'd give them 3 of 5 rolls.  Would poop here again.

Gym

Preface

The gym I will be referencing today is a local one that only has one location.  With that said, since I workout at this institution regularly, I would prefer to not drop its name at this time.  If you've ever been to this particular fitness facility, then you will most likely be able to figure out very quickly which one I am talking about.

Gyms as a whole don't meet all my typical criteria when looking for a place to warm-up with a porcelain squat, however, when your pre-workout kicks in you don't have a choice sometimes.  It definitely beats the alternative.  

As I am describing this place, please note that the word "gym" is used loosely.  Yes, they have decent exercise equipment, a pool, sauna, a full-size basketball court, racquetball courts, and a small rock wall but I would say the majority of the people who attend this "gym" go to hang out with their friends and drink spirits. Or they tell their wife that they're going to workout, hit a set of bench press, and then spend the rest of the time doing beer curls.  No judgments.  Just sayin'.

Review

The water closet is where you'd expect to find it at any health club; towards the back of the locker room.  I've been actively going to gyms for nearly a decade and have been in many men's locker rooms over the years.  They always have the occasional old guy walking around naked which is almost to almost be expected.  However, at this gym, there seems to be an abundance of naked older gentlemen walking around having full conversations with each other. 

Once you safely navigate through the dimly lit corridor, past all the lockers and old guys in their birthday suits, you will find a few stalls and a few urinals.  They are all kept very clean and are plentifully stocked with toilet paper.

The tp is the typical commercial kind you'd expect.  It's far from fancy but gets the job done.  And since this is a locker room, if the tp really isn't cutting it, you can always jump in the shower.  

As for the smell, it smells like every other guy's locker room across America.  It has the slight smell of body odor and deodorant.  It's not a bad smell but not a scent I'd buy in a Little Tree to hang from my rearview mirror.

The sinks have warm water, good pressure, and plenty of soap.  They are also kept very clean.  As mentioned before, I prefer paper towels over hand dryers so it's a huge plus for me that they have them.

My final thought is although this place doesn't meet Criteria #3 at all, there is something about knowing that we are all men in a testosterone filled environment actually makes it easier for me to release even though there are more people around then I would tend to prefer.  It's almost expected here verse other public places that give you the option but doesn't expect very many people to actually partake in the use of their facilities in this manner.

Overall I'd give it 4/5 rolls.  Would poop there again.

Kohl's

Preface

Today was a semi-planned event.  By mid to late morning I could feel my coffee from earlier brewing so I figured today was a good day for my next blog post, however, I needed to find a decent place that met my criteria.

The general guidelines I use when selecting a place to make a deposit usually include places that seem like they'd have a clean bathroom, that it doesn't look too out of place for me to be there, and that wouldn't seem like a place that has as many male customers.  Kohl's check every one of those boxes.

I arrived mid-afternoon and immediately started scanning the area for a restroom sign.  In order to not be too conspicuous, I meandered around the guys clothing section first.  Then curved around to the backside of the store where I hoped to find an indicator of what direction to head.  No such luck.  Plenty of fitting rooms though (insert no tp joke here: #16).

Finally, along the far right side near the home supplies, I found what I came for.  As I walked down the seemly long hall I noticed the door was propped open and had a wet floor sign.  I hit the jackpot...the restroom was just cleaned and I was the first person to gain access!  I shut the hallway door and made my way to the middle stall next to the handicapped stall.  The toilet water was still blue!

On a side note, I did some looking around online and found this restroom rating system on a website called Toliet Inspector that I figured would be a good basis for my next review.  Below is loosely based on their check list.

Review

The first thing I noticed was that it was very clean and there weren't any strange yet familiar odors permeating the air.  The floor had a slight gloss from where they were just cleaned but evaporated quickly as to not get my pants wet.

During my short stay at this establishment, I only had one visitor who stayed all of a minute.  Upon checking out, it was noted the porcelain thrones were automated and the water in the sink was nice and warm.  Even though they had the type of faucet handles that required you to push them down and would only stay on for a short stint before the water stopped flowing, they stayed on long enough for me to thoroughly wash my hands in one shot.

Another plus was that they had paper towels instead of hand blowers.  I understand they're supposedly better for the environment but I personly do not like them (link to article why).  As a father, the icing on the cake was that they had a changing table.  That's a huge plus in my world.

Overall rating: 5 out of 5 rolls - would poop there again.

Toys"R"Us/Babies"R"Us

Preface

This was the first place I visited on my quest to find the best public restroom to drop the kids off at the pool.  As mentioned in my previous post, I read a suggestion on Reddit that a lady left saying her husband is on the road a lot and prefers to use this establishment due to the low volume of men that shop there and that the bathrooms tend to be very clean.  I decided to test this theory.

Keep in mind that the Reddit post was from almost a year ago and since then the company has announced they are going out of business.

Before walking in I decided to pretend like I was there to shop all of their drastically reduced merchandise.  Upon entering the store, I could immediately tell that they were going out of business. There were boxes of car seats and toys everywhere and quickly picked up on the more than typical lackadaisical attitude the employees exuded.

After spending a couple minutes looking around I came to the conclusion that nobody would notice and if they did they sure as hell wouldn't care.  I drifted towards the restroom which was located at the front of the store.

Review

The men's restroom had two stalls (one of which was a handicap stall) and a urinal.  Being the upstanding moral citizen I am, I chose the non-handicap stall.  Overall the bathroom had a tinge of grodiness like it hasn't been cleaned very well in awhile but not at the level that you were afraid to touch anything or sit down like you would expect to find using a porta-potty.  So the theory of it being clean due to the lack of use could have been true before the employees knew they were going to be let go however now that is not the case.

The toilet paper was the typical thin commercial type that you would expect to see at any retail establishment.  On the plus side, they did had a full roll of TP which I double checked beforehand.

While in there, a father brought his kid (who was clearly in potty training) into the stall next to me.  It was slightly awkward trying to go while the child pretended to make robot noises and the father discussing proper bathroom etiquette.  Luckily they weren't there long and were the only visitor I had while I occupied the facility.

When it was time to finish up I noticed that the actual toilets were nice and powerful which definitely elevated any fear of clogging.  At this point, no real issues until it was time to wash-up.  That's when I noticed the sinks were broken!  To compensate, they had bottles of hand sanitizer which were adequate but personally not my preferred way to clean my hands (this is why).

After exiting the restroom, I tried sneaking back out the door I came in which had an absence of employees hovering around but it was locked from the inside forcing me to go out the other door past all the employees working the registers.  I casually strolled out the store.  I'm sure no one even knew that I was there just to poop and if they did I'm sure they really didn't care.

Overall, I'd give it 3 out of 5 rolls.

The Who, What, Why, & How

This first post is to give my readers some perspective on who I am, what I do, why I created this blog, and how this is going to help them.

As of today, I am 32 years of age and have been living in the Fort Collins area for about two years.  Originally from Florida (Go Noles!), I moved out here with my pregnant wife to raise our child near family and to experience someplace new.

If you're reading this you're probably wondering why I'd even be inclined to write about this topic.  For a living, I do outside sales and on occasion, I am an Uber Driver.  Both jobs require frequent road time which led me to realize that one of my biggest problems was finding places to go when nature calls.  As a guy, going number one can be fairly easy but finding a decent place where I could go number two was a bit more challenging.

I tried downloading different apps, using Google, and even checked Reddit but didn't have much luck.  So after a suggestion from a friend who was the primary recipient of my public restroom Snapchats, I decided to create this blog with hopes of helping other people who have faced the same struggles I have.

Below is my general criteria when selecting a place/store/business in a pinch (pun intended):

1. Seems like they'd have a clean bathroom
2. Doesn't look too out of place for me to be there
3. Predominately female customers

This sounds pretty simple but can be more challenging than it appears.  

Stay tuned as I explore the cities best and worst places to drop the kids off at the pool.